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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Going
Chin
Chins
Pardon
Thanksgiving
Saws
Age
President

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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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