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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Pardon
Thanksgiving
Saws
Age
President
Going
Chin
Chins

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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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