Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Age
Wrapped
Feel
Underwear
Feels
Automatically
Memorable
Sexy
Older
Gift
Went
More quotes by Joan Rivers
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
Joan Rivers
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
