Quote

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Age
Wrapped
Feel
Underwear
Feels
Automatically
Memorable
Sexy
Older
Gift
Went

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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