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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Takes
Least
Age
Woman
Three
Years
Men
Memorable
Birthday

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers