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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Woman
Three
Years
Men
Memorable
Birthday
Takes
Least
Age

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Joan Rivers