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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Wisdom
Age
Bigs
Comes
Look
Liberace
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Boobs
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Feminine
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Memorable
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
Joan Rivers
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers