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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Bigs
Comes
Look
Liberace
Looks
Boobs
Need
Feminine
Needs
Memorable
Wisdom
Age

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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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