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My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Didn
Apology
Used
Parenting
Feel
Motherhood
Feels
Humorous
Children
Guilty
Even
Letters
Make
Anybody
People
Mother
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
