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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Stage
Worst
Happened
Vomited
Tell
Projectile
Someone
Ran
Ever
Horrible
Thing
Forward
Loved

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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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