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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Someone
Ran
Ever
Horrible
Thing
Forward
Loved
Stage
Worst
Happened
Vomited
Tell
Projectile

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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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