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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Loved
Stage
Worst
Happened
Vomited
Tell
Projectile
Someone
Ran
Ever
Horrible
Thing
Forward
More quotes by Joan Rivers
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Can we talk?
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
Joan Rivers
