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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Worst
Happened
Vomited
Tell
Projectile
Someone
Ran
Ever
Horrible
Thing
Forward
Loved
Stage

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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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