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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Happiest
Stage
Thing

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers