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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thirds
Fool
Child
Country
Children
Think
Adopts
Thinking
Celebrity
World
Third

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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Better laid than never.
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