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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Country
Children
Think
Adopts
Thinking
Celebrity
World
Third
Thirds
Fool
Child

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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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