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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Fool
Child
Country
Children
Think
Adopts
Thinking
Celebrity
World
Third
Thirds

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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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