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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thinking
Celebrity
World
Third
Thirds
Fool
Child
Country
Children
Think
Adopts

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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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