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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Stage
Show
Shows
Every
Terrified
Lived

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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers