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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Lived
Stage
Show
Shows
Every
Terrified

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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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