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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Shows
Every
Terrified
Lived
Stage
Show

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I’m never without a bandage.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers