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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Maybe
Year
Comes
Need
Needs
Psychiatrist
Years
Onstage
Memorable
Wonderful

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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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