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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Needs
Psychiatrist
Years
Onstage
Memorable
Wonderful
Maybe
Year
Comes
Need

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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Can we talk?
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers