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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Need
Needs
Psychiatrist
Years
Onstage
Memorable
Wonderful
Maybe
Year
Comes

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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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