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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
World
Concept
Concepts
Stupid
Funny
Understand
Numerals
War
Roman
Doesn
Eleven
Thought
Fought

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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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