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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thought
Fought
World
Concept
Concepts
Stupid
Funny
Understand
Numerals
War
Roman
Doesn
Eleven
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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