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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Art
Else
Natures
Anything
Swimming
Like
Memorable
Swim
Oil
Strive
Behavior

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
Joan Rivers
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers