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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Doors
Humor
Enough
Opened
Inspiring
Door
Fame
Smart

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers