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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Chins
Telephone
Telephones
Chinese
Directory
Elizabeth
Taylor

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers
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Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
Joan Rivers
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Joan Rivers
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
Joan Rivers
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
Joan Rivers
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Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers