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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Taylor
Chins
Telephone
Telephones
Chinese
Directory
Elizabeth

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Joan Rivers
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
Joan Rivers
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers