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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Therapy
Total
Group
Groups
Humor
Audience
Routines
Funny
Audiences
Come
Unhappiness

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
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Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers