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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Group
Groups
Humor
Audience
Routines
Funny
Audiences
Come
Unhappiness
Therapy
Total

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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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