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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Total
Group
Groups
Humor
Audience
Routines
Funny
Audiences
Come
Unhappiness
Therapy

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers