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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Audience
Routines
Funny
Audiences
Come
Unhappiness
Therapy
Total
Group
Groups
Humor

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers