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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Years
Respect
Sleep
Easy
Melissa
Tell
Shreds
Mother
Ripped
Kids
Wake
Used
Daughter
Back
Birth
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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