Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Easy
Melissa
Tell
Shreds
Mother
Ripped
Kids
Wake
Used
Daughter
Back
Birth
Years
Respect
Sleep
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
Joan Rivers
I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
Joan Rivers
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers
to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
Joan Rivers
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
Joan Rivers
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers