Quote

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Year
Memorable
Leash
Kids
Dumb
Leashes
Years
Everywhere
Cord
Like
Dog
Cords
Gave
Forgot
Birth
Parenting
Cutting
Motherhood
Baby
Followed
Obstetricians

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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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