Quote

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Parenting
Birth
Motherhood
Cutting
Obstetricians
Baby
Followed
Leash
Year
Memorable
Leashes
Kids
Dumb
Cord
Years
Everywhere
Cords
Like
Dog
Forgot
Gave

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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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Can we talk?
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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