Quote

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Like
Dog
Cords
Gave
Forgot
Birth
Parenting
Cutting
Motherhood
Baby
Followed
Obstetricians
Year
Memorable
Leash
Kids
Dumb
Leashes
Years
Everywhere
Cord

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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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