Quote

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Forgot
Gave
Parenting
Birth
Motherhood
Cutting
Followed
Obstetricians
Baby
Memorable
Leash
Year
Dumb
Leashes
Kids
Everywhere
Cord
Years
Cords
Like
Dog

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
Image
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
Image
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
Image
you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
Image
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
Image
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
Image
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
Image
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
Image
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
Image
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers
Image
if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
Image
Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan Rivers
Image
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
Image
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
Image
Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
Image
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
Image
There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
Image
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers