Quote

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Gave
Forgot
Birth
Parenting
Cutting
Motherhood
Baby
Followed
Obstetricians
Year
Memorable
Leash
Kids
Dumb
Leashes
Years
Everywhere
Cord
Like
Dog
Cords

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
Image
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
Image
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
Image
My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
Joan Rivers
Image
Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
Image
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
Image
if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
Image
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
Image
Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
Image
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
Image
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
Image
With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
Image
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
Image
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
Image
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
Image
Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers