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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Women
Flabby
Thighs
Fortunately
Covers
Memorable
Stomach

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
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I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers