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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Fortunately
Covers
Memorable
Stomach
Women
Flabby
Thighs

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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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