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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Flabby
Thighs
Fortunately
Covers
Memorable
Stomach
Women

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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Can we talk?
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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