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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Stomach
Women
Flabby
Thighs
Fortunately
Covers
Memorable

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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers