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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Women
Flabby
Thighs
Fortunately
Covers
Memorable
Stomach

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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers