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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Everyone
Else
Thinking
Succeeded
Memorable
Inspiration
Saying
Success

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
Joan Rivers
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
Joan Rivers
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
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I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers