Quote

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Told
Death
Wanted
Cremated
Every
Marcus
Way
Scatter
Ashes
Visit
Husband

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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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