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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Visit
Husband
Told
Death
Wanted
Cremated
Every
Marcus
Way
Scatter
Ashes
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
Joan Rivers
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
