Quote

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Visit
Husband
Told
Death
Wanted
Cremated
Every
Marcus
Way
Scatter
Ashes

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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