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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Country
Bed
Sky
Shop
Limits
Shops
Late
Limit
Fashion
Aging
Television
Stores
Open
Thank
Living
Thanks
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Can we talk?
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Better laid than never.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I’m never without a bandage.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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