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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Living
Thanks
Country
Bed
Sky
Shop
Limits
Shops
Late
Limit
Fashion
Aging
Television
Stores
Open
Thank

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
Joan Rivers