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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Television
Stores
Open
Thank
Living
Thanks
Country
Bed
Sky
Shop
Limits
Shops
Late
Limit
Fashion
Aging

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
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Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers