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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Around
Jokes
Women
Questions
Tramp
Men
Asked
Tramps
Mistake
Nineteen
Sleep
Hilarious
Funny
Twenty
Woman
Twenties
Makes
Mistakes
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Self-pity shortens your life.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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Can we talk?
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
