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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Like
Memorable
Comedian
Aging
Jokes
Wish
Twin
Look
Twins
Without
Surgery
Looks
Plastic

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Joan Rivers
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers