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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Without
Surgery
Looks
Plastic
Like
Memorable
Comedian
Aging
Jokes
Wish
Twin
Look
Twins

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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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