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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Look
Twins
Without
Surgery
Looks
Plastic
Like
Memorable
Comedian
Aging
Jokes
Wish
Twin

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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers